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If its one thing i have figured out its this. never expect something good to happen because it will never happen if you want it to. yet if you dont want something to happen it either will just to spite you or it wont happen at all.
7/23/01
nothing much happened today i still have to read my books for skool. theres 1month of summer vacation left. im thinking of putting red hightlights in my hair. i want to try going to the mall sometime soon and get another bracelet at hot topic. that and finish painting my room dark red. whatever.
7/24/01
i updated my site and i have to finish painting and rearranging my room. my dad made me mow the lawn today and other crap i want to see if my friend can come over this weekend. It might rain tomorrow, so thats good. Tonight all i really did was hang out with matt and practiced our music. well im really bored now so i think ill go to sleep.
7/28/01
Today things are going good cause my sisters going to camp for 3 weeks and thats the closes thing i can get to have her dead. so thats good. and I want to see if i kan join my friends band. cause i might quit the other one. some person said my site was gay and i really dont care oh well. my friend says that if i keep being the way i am next year that ill get my ass kicked. i dont know what to say to that really. i guess it will be the same as last year, i ignore everybody and i dont really exist. an they tell me to dress in fashion heh. well Fuck You!
8/2/01
nothing much happened this week i had to sit through a five hour car ride upstate with my dickhead father im so pissed i wish he would die already. im trying to think of a good logo for my band. so far i have one side red the other side black and the middle silver with bluesh grey text
8/10/01
all i did today ws sit around cause it was raining although i like rain i was too tired to go anywhere my friend is at camp right now for the rest of the week i recently recieved a letter from her so now my dresser smells like this kind of perfume. heh oh well i guess thats all i have to read until she gets back saturday or maybe sunday. i think ill update my pics on the site and start remembering my dreams hah. i just want skool to start already i still have to read those two books and go to that orientation next week i think at least they have some consideration to show you around. my brother is supposed to come up this weekend and were supposed to go rafting next weekend i hope everything works accordingly. my friend is having second thoughts about next year and i think a am too i mean what we are close to and have adapted to for the past 5 years is all going to change. i think i will miss it but im not that up about it i didnt revcently look at a year book and cry like my friend oh well i guess i have no feelings not like i ever have a use for them anyway. i want to get a band practice going i thnk ill be the vocals on account i cant play guitar but i could teach myself like all the other crap that i played. i feel like i have changed form in a way that im not what i have recently been im beginning to understand things more clearly and i can get inside my own mind and solve my own problems the therapist had a name for that but i forgot what it was so i guess i dont need her anymore. but my parents have second thoughts about that they think that someone like myself would make a really big impact if i just died i mean some people would care deeply and others would just be sad and forget but i really dont care either way i figure if i just sit back and enjoy the ride i cant get into many problems so i guess now thats going to be my policy from now on.
8/28/01
life sucks, school sucks and so do the people in it. thats about the oly thing on my mind now and if christian fuckface journalist is reading this you know who you are and next time if you hate to bring things up then fucking dont! I dont care how much they pay you. .....ok now umm lets see. i did absolutely nothing today except see a movie that one about the stoner and the silent guy. my sister if you want to call it that is having a party leaving me surounded by 12 year olds. so all i really did was sit in my room and play the keyboard for a few hours. i might go phreaking later i'll see.
9/12/01
wow talk about time flying so much has happened since i last put in an entry. i was so bust over the time but oh wel well this is what happened so far: lets see...back to school well its ok i suppose i dont get lost as much and as a freshman im very limited to high school corruption. homewotk isnt that bad yet and i still dont have many friends. im just being myself now and im in kind of a happy mood so ill keep it while i still can .....terrorist attacks in nyc yesterday...very bad...(haha right!)...planes bad and i really dont know what to think or say so im staying out of this one oh well well now im taking studio art and im an ok drawer i suppose but i just need practice...my mood now is i want to clean everything i dont know why. another day a new outlook i have to this world.
9/22/01
so anyway i have been up to nothing at all if i had an actual life it would be different everyone is taking an interest in changing me into their own image. why is that? people are wondering what i looked like if i were a prep, a punk or whatever the fuck you people are into as of now. im always refered to as the fucking goth. is it as if you have nothing better to do? or is it that i am an easy target. i dont know anymore. there. im done ranting for now. now back to whats supposed to be a journal. um lets see. first off this girl asked me out and i cant see any reason why. im like nothing compared to anyone else out there and the fact that she hates me doesnt really help either. oh well she said that it was a cover but i believe her i just hope its not another joke like usual. i dont even want to remember the last time that it happened and ive already lost count of the times that it did happen. i having thoughts and second thoughts of adding a section to the site of my life up until now. on the good side it could help me and on the bad side it will make others feel worse about themselves. ill see what i can remember and if i like ill show it. so anyway its about 11:42 now. and im not even tired. i have no idea of what to do tomorrow and im so stuck full of bad memories i just want to rip myself open and drip out my pain but its wierd because its good and bad memories and i have no idea which ones are bad or good. butpossibly when the time is right ill know and when that time comes ill know what to do then. so i wont worry about it now.
9/24/01
well guess what.. i was right it was another FUCKING JOKE! god i fucking hate you all what is so funy about my misery!? wht is wrong with you people i swear to whatever the hell it is you people believe in now. that i cant take much more if this. they always say ill find someone and when that daycomes ill get laughed at because it will be another fucking joke. oh i have no idea what to do now. im too depressed and pissed off now to think. i need to go somewhere where i can be alone forever. and thats not long enough.
......when i die i want to be burned and forgotten. i want to have my ashes spread across the sky i dont want to be rememebred as a being who ever existed.;
9/30/01
oh come on seriously who the fuck reads this anyway....?
10/3/01
school gives too much homework. i added music to my site today. i like it. and thats all i did today. im talking to peety now ad a few other people its about 9:37 so be happy.. why? i dont know just do it. today i got asked if i thought this kids girlfriend was hot. i didnt think so and he exclaimed that i couldnt ever get a girlfriend or somehting. no, it didnt hurt me i knew he was probably right. maybe i dont really care about my life status now. like i ever did. im suprised im not cutting myself now i want to so bad but im not. im feeling a little depressed now and i like it so im a "walking oxy moron" um yeah thats it. oh yeah yah yah sure sure you betcha.
10/4/01
im almost done with my life story. i made a kid frear me in class today yay for me. im getting better in art and i had to mow the lawn today. that was no picnic. i want to do better in my clases so i can get a job i really need money. the first thing ill buy is a phone card. im goin out saturday and sunday on some camping thing with my friend. for some reason i feel left out in school but i dont like it. oh well ill see what happens ill probably lay low and not talk to anyone thats the best thing to do.
10/7/01
right now im not tired but i should be i feel alone ad isolated and i like it and logicly i should because thats the type of person that i am. but i tend to go through swings like one day i need attention and the next day i avoid people. as for school now i dont like it theres too many people around me it makes me really uncomfortable. i wish i could just take my classes with a somewhat small group of people in a single toom all day. that would be really good for me now. i found out recently that whenever i get really mad i want to be in a lot of self inflicted pain. and i tried it out today i took a skateboard and i stoped short and flew a few feet and landed face down on the floor. and i liked it. sonow you could say im fully insane. go me.
10/10/01
absolutely nothing is happening now so ill put something here whenever theres a reason to put anything here.
10/12/01
yoday i went to school and went to my friends house afterward. then we went to the forrest behind his hause and took about 121 pictures of various stuff. then we made a wabsite for all the pics were going to take. ill provide the link here once the sites completed. i went to a concert that was really good. it was a bunch of local bands in town. i walked through a grqaveyard in pitchblack..suprised? im not..and thats pretty much what happened. i waited at burger king for a while then i went home.
10/16/01
Today was a half day. normally id get out of school at about 1030 or so but i just stayed home., i didnt see an actual purpose in wasting 3 hours of my time. os i used it to sleep. now my sister on the othewr hand had a full day and i was hoping she went to school but being the whiny bastard she is she stayed home. so that ruined my day almost completely. sl i just ignored her the whole day. i went outside from about 12 to 3 pm and all i did was hang out with my friend we just taklked the whole time. it was ok. then home i went online for a ew talked to gwqen a bit then andrea then nicky. all friends of mine just friends except for maybe gwen. whatever im not getting into it. then i listened to my cd player for about an hour and now i think im becomming a clean freak. in the past week i cleaned out my entire room and im starting to clean the rest of the house. hm oh well iguess its all for the best . as you can tell im kinda happy now and i don know why. im trying not to think about it. so now im going back to my room and then bed. yeah............
10/16/01
...........how much more do you think i can take? if you want me to die that badly just kill me before i do it myself
10/20/01
well this was a good weekend that i had....i got some sushine in a can :) my friend pete stayed the night and i might go to his house later maybe. he got covered in mud and now he is poopman. gee he shouldnt have had the chile con carne. anyone have a hose?
10/22/01
nothing muh happrened in school today i was feeling happier than usual unti asshole matt came to class then i got pissed cause i hate him so fucking much then i went to seminar and it was an extra help day so i went to math with my friends and i got a worksheet that i didnt do but just turned it over and doodled on it. i drew a picture of a sign that said free samples and a skull on the ground that thought "free samples.............satan is good mwahahahahaha!" then i drew a mangi a few stars and the people=shit thing hten i wrote a poem and this is when my friend next to me took the papaer and read it and he started laughing like crazy ad the teacher got pissed and wantedto see my paper and he got even more pissed he was al lik ths offends me or something. stay after class. and i saisd allright all calm and stuff and he said you can sit there and worry so i quickly replied about what? he didnt answer. so the bell rang and i just walked out no questions asked. its so funny how teachers bluff so much then snap. then home and i went out for a while and went home and wrote this entry and now nothingis going to happen becae i have no life. alright then...
10/25/01
goddamn you know what you , you, you and hm yes you all need to die yes thats all for now ill be back later for the rest of you maggots.
10/27/01
they say everyone changes over time and that nothing stays the same. it never seems to be a good one does it. ive been experiencing some changes myself. im not sure whee my lifes going now. i mean im usually the type who prefers to keep to himself but now i dont know anymore. im now just being a dick to people most of the time or im really nice. it dosent matter to me anymore. i think that my brother might move to D.C. or something. thats what i heard. if he does i have to go with him. as in i want to but as usual probably nothing is going to happen. oh well. nothing is happening this weekend, halloween is comming wednesday. all i really care about is the free candy. i might dress up in my german military uniform thingy with all my other crap. and thats pretty much what is going on with my life. not that anyone cares and those who do well thats your problem if it really is as all.
10/29/01
hmmm whats to say about what happened today? well first off i hate daylight savings time because its not dark anymore when i go to the busstop in the morning. so thats kinda bad. other than that the day went along nicely. mae and a bunch of friends convinced the entire class to cut 7th period, that was kind of fun. im actually starting to like history now. i get home and all hell breaks lose. my sister is a fucking bitch and now i want to literally kill this person. and i don tknow what the outcome will be tomorrow but i don tseem to really care. so anyway..........thats pretty much all that really happened today. i did a pretty good job of not getting too pissed so i just went in my room and lit a few candles and played my keyboard. thats what i usually do. and thats pretty much what happened today.
11/6/01
today startedout really wel then my asshole father came home and we got into this hugefight and i almost punched him but i didnt although i wish i had because he doesnt have the balls to do anything about it. he never did. i found my sisters old guitar today and i got it tuned and everything. thats all i really have left of her. then my friend said that it would bebeter if he um i dont know tuned all the strings to the same fucking note. good one there killer. so now i have to re tune it which is a problem because i have no idea how. but he tuned it all the one string so one is still intact. ill just tune it to that note. so today kinda sucked. i almost got really pissed and set fire to my house. good thing i didnt. because i went out after that and i wouldnt have died in the fire. so all i did today was waste my time. thats all i ever do, get pissed and have nothing to do. i recently found out that the only person i actually hang out with i getting asked a lot lately that why is he even my friend why does he bother to talk to me and he says he just does. i dont know why i have to put up with everyones crap. half of them are probably better than me and are going to have good lives in the future so why cant they just tend to that and stop pissing me off. just so you know i know how to make a variety of explosives and i have a gun so dont push me to the point where i can get any ideas. right now i could be thinking of how much fun it would be to watch the agony on your face as you slowly die and how i find that so funny. you know who you people are. but those who i like as in my friends, you were there and you cared so you deserve my respect. that will be all for tonight.
11/13/01
ok i dont thiink i can take it much anymore. im about ready to kill you all and like it. no im not making a hit list yet and i dont think i will anytime soon. i finally feel better about myself for one second and you come in and break my dignity in half.. its either i die or you do.
11/17/01
alright i stayed over peteys house agin yesterday and he came over today and left a while ago. matt came over and we went to this army surplus store. he pissed petey off...again thats what pretty much happened. we found a police scanner at peteys house and we listened to cops go on about crap. useful if youre doing anything illegal. not that id be doing anything illegal or something like that...(cough cough). yeah......im thinking of getting a zero skateboard sometime soon the one with the either red or black bold letters. hopefully ill learn how to skate soon. so far i can do an ollie and stall on some things. thats pretty much it. well thats all i have to say for now.
11/20/01
Well, whats to say about today? my friends friend shot himself today and a few days ago my other friends friend shot himself too. i know im next. one of my friends is going to die. and its getting serious now. this week i atually planned a suicide. but i dont think ill go through. my friends wont be able totake it and they will die too. why do i bother making friends anyway? if i was alone nobody would care if i died or not but then again i wouldnt have a reason to die because i would be lonely and i like that so theres sort of a paradox here. if i die so will my friends. if i dont have any friends i dont need to die so friends = death and it also doesnt. yes i know what im talking about and you probably lost me now so ill leave with that.
11/26/01
HIGH EVERYONE
well this weekend was fun ill start with wednesday. ok.well after i got home from skool, me and matt just hung oiut for a while and he got kicked out of his house so he stayed at mine. then there was sorry we took your land and killed your people day. that was alright. i finally got to talk to my brother online yay. friday peter came over and he made a bomb that was a tenisball with match heads and gun powder in it it looked like a tenis ball though so that was good and ill tell you why in a minute. me, pete and joe were walking and went under this bridge to just sit there and we came out and i opened up a telephone ocmpany box across the street from the bridge i was tempted to take the wire but i couldnt get it out. then a fucking cop comes speeding down the fucking street and almost has a heart attack getting there. i fucking ran the hell away from the box and went to the other sode of the street like nothing was wrong. he gets out and says that somebody "complained" that we were spraypainting something under the fucking brridge and after that gets settled and all hat shit he fucking searches us and pete had the bomb so he found it but... he thought it was a tenisball so he put it back :) then i went to petes house and stayed over from friday night to sunday afternoon. we tried to light the bomb but his mom found it and made im throw it in the woods :( then we just did nothing special the whole time. thats pretty much it.
11/28/01
nothing special really i found a bunch of books on witchcraft and wicca its pretty cool im drawing a toad next to a skull in art class dont ask its inone of the books i got. if i ever get a fucking chance ill put some of my drawings here but i doubt that will happen anytime soo. so anyway me and matt had our first actual war today and that was fun i got to shoot kids with a bb gun yay. and that was pretty much iti didnt get hit though but matt did so hes officially gay. ..right so anyway yeah im going to sleep so night.
11/30/01
lets see um school sucks yet again and i want to kill the people in it so there. and pete came over today and matt yet again pissed him off and myself too but i didnt do anything. i never do. then we went skateboarding at the church..well we were going to pray but.....yeah. so it was raining and we almost got our ass kicked by some assholes and as usual i didnt do anything because i know i will get my ass kicked. pete didnt do anything either i dont know why. and thats pretty much it for today the girl next door hates me and i never talk to her at all so im completely confused on that one. so anyway petes staying over and thats all for today bye.
12/3/01
nothing much really happened today i was supposed to meet this kid after school but he didnt show or maybe i came too late. oh well. i went skateboarding again and i finally figured out how to play that coldplay song trouble so im happy. yay.
12/9/01
well its been a while since ive added anything to here about 6 days to be exact. it snowed here yesterday and that gave me something to do for a little bit sll i did today was sit in my room pete came over again and we talked and hung ot a bit charolite called me a few times then got off cause she needed to call her boyfriend. she got me a christmas card and i want to know what it says but she wont tell e so i need to get something for a lot of people. so cards for all haha kidding. thats all for today i guess im off to play some more keyboard by candlelight.
12/12/01
ok well heres what happened today. once again im depressed and i dont know why and i had to go to another war with the neighbor kid and its pissing me off for some reason. i dont like school much and peter, charolite and ray are the only things that are keeping me going right about now. i might change schools but its my decision. im not sure if i want to or not. i talked to pete for a while about different things and he had to go then i called ray and he was busy talking to charolite his new girlfriend. so then i was alone not that i wasnt used to it. i added some pictures of friends and people i talk to and thats all i choose to do for tonight.
12/17/01
wellits about 12:30 here. i stayed home today because im a little sic and im happy for it because i like getting sic. i still have to do christmas shopping soon so i have to get some money. maybe i should jut buy everyone bubble wrap. i found this can of red paint and addd another coat to my room. its all glossy and looks like blood is dripping down from the walls. i like it. as for the whole school thing im changing over in late january or feburary. about time i left. now i can finally start over yay for me.
12/22/01
well i guess i got all my christmas shopping done i still have to get some things. i talked on the phone with charolite for a really long time today. shes still trying to find me a girlfriend its pathetic well at least i think so. not like shes going to make a difference anyway but if she can thats great. i got those shoes with the flames on them today. and i collected more payphone numbers. i have more numbers in town now. whoopie. now i have to wait out the vacation until my friend gets back and i cant wait until he does so ni
12/23/01
i spent the whole day talking to charolite on the phone. nothing better to do. i was alone at home for a while that was nice. that was pretty much my day pretty slow if you ask me.
12/24/01
well its christmas fucking eve today. and here i am feeling really depressed. i guess im just sick of everything thats been going on in my life. i want to do something worth doing before i leave likle actually get a girlfriend or piss some asshole off or at least something. it pisses me off so much when its right there and you cant have it. but i guess i should learn to live with it. fate doesnt want me to be happy. so i wont be.
12/26/01
something inside tells me to give up and forget about hwat has happened and to just stop trying and i ask myself why not? life itself is overated you get put on this earth as if part of a game a simple pawn for someones entertainment as they laugh at your misery and well as you can see im depressed again not suprised im just sick of getting laughed at and i want to do something about it but im too weak mentally and physically to do so. the only thing i can think of is to shoot them all and watch them slowly die as they burn from the inside out but that wont do much unless i die as well and because so many goddamn people care i cant. oh well my time will come soon...hopefully... hury up fate.
12/29/01
well everyones back to their old self again. all i dd today was talk on the phone about stuff. i was that bored. now im just pissed off at myself too much to think. all i want to do now is just wallow in my misery. but that would be too much fun. and as for the people out there who think i actually have a chance with anyone friendship or more its not going to happen. it probably never will maybe one day someone will get really drunk and talk to me but i doubt it.
1/2/02
once again schools open freedom is over. all i did was talk on the phone with bethanie. not that thats a bad thing or anything... im trying to get an appointment to go to that other school im supposed to go to. now all of my friends are going to be sad or something. oh well. its a new year and hopefully i wont fuck this one up. but something tells me i will. i always do.
1/5/02
its 1:15 in the morning and petes staying over. today was actually a good day for once. suprising. do anyway i added new pics. and yes those are ducks. dont ask why its an inside joke.
1/9/02
why bother hoping for anything good when you know inside it will never happen? figures.....
1/11/02
high everyone its 1036 here im at school in a free period. its fifth now. well today started out good for once that was kinda suprising but i was yet to find out what was to come. first period we did a lab in science and my lab partner whom i never talk to at all starts to talk so that was wierd. maybe it was because she was forced to. second period i had a free with bethanie. this is where everything happened. well it occours to me that today's the 11th and if youre not one of my really good friends you wouldnt know that todays my sisters birthday.she WOULD be 24 but i guess not. so now im just pissed/depressed and all that good stuff... i spent art and spanish which are 3rd and 4th period staring at the floor thinking about everything. i had to argue with the lab teacher to get on this computer so i can write this. i need to get this out so thats why im writing at school. as of now i dont have a good idea what to do. but hopefully ill think of something. i really dont know what im trying to say now im just a guy here trying to get something out and i cant even do that right. well this is it so bye.
1/17/01
we had snow and a 2 hour delay i had fre second and spent it wasting tim ei got my id picture taken 5th and then did nothing for a few more hours and went home. skateboarded for a whil and nothing afterward...fun......
1/22/01
lets see today went like regular i came in with my trench coat and my fucked up irish hat and everyone thinks i look like inspector fucking gadget and ask for my autograph. pete made me this thig thats a board with a nail in it but theres more to it. so here i am walking down the hall with a trenchcoat on and a board with a nail in it. well fuck you if thats in any way offensive. so anyway theres only one person whom i want to kill now. and you know who you are! so fuck me fuck you fuck the world.
1/28/02
alright well today started out like SHIT! because of a long story that i dont feel like getting into not like youd care to hear it anyway. once again i am pissed because this girl keeps bothering pete and ahes a fucking bitch who needs to loose a couple hundred pounds and is just a bitch! so once again im alone dammit ill just have to live with it.
2/4/02
well today was alright i guess i went to that band practice saturday we played for 10 minutes than talked the rest of the time. beth brought her cousin who kept staring at me and mike whose the guitarist. shed stare at him and then look away and then when she stared at me i looked back and she still stared maybe it was just one time i dont know but me and my friend thought she liked me or something idk bu she doesnt and thats not suprising. oh well i figured that. its kinda my fault to expect something good to happen. i just have to remember to myself that im going to be like this for a long time so i better get used to it.
2/17/02
havent written in a while not like you care you have your own lives to deal with lets see valentines sucked as usual im slowly losing the will to live and i just realized what a loser i really am thats about it more self pitty i really need to stop doing that. lets see i had to see 2 guidence counslers on friday....at the same time dammit leave the fuck alone people cant get the fact that i dont want to talk to anyone about whats happening with myself . it pisses me off how they give me the same thing over and over again about how i can go to them when i have a problem and they get pissd when i dont and as for that i say fuck off. thats about what happend and i spent saturday doing nothing but standing there...nothing to unusual... but i guess i derserve it bcause it has to happen to someone
3/7/02
ok well its been a while since ive added an entry but ive been up to things.......so anyway beths been bitching about how i havent updated this thing and since i love her so god damn much im updating it now... today was alright i had a free second period then i went throigh all my fucking classes and pete is now going out with katlin which i think is a good thing but im not sure about pete. i hae to do this term paper by sometime in april on the great depression and if there never was a depression ll english class would be is crappy books and shakespeare. i got home at about 2 or so and beth kissed me on the cheek and now im all happy! :-) i might go to this concert thingy saturday but im not sure. pete might come over tomorrow . im just going to see what happens.
3/27/02-8:20pm
anon everyone well what happened today well i went sakting with mike at shoprite and then we walked to the library and hung out with bethanie and then we went back to shoprite and i stole a sign on a payphone that was at the movie theater. stupid piece of crap wanted 35 cents for a fucking phone call... yay i love andrea. i guess im going back to the old ways whatever that means ....ok
4/2/02-11:48 pm
greetings....well i finished my english paper...err...most of it anyways, all i did today was hang about the house acting lathargic...yeah thats not good so i went out to skate and that was fun then i noticed a fallen road sign down the street so i took it and its under my deck now. ill unscrew the sign and keep the pole as a grind rail. it was one of those signs that said speed limit 30 to be specific. heres where beth says oh god. hi beth. mmmmm rammstein; night.
4/6/02-12:31 am
well i finally got that fucking sign off...it took me long enough and now its sitting in my room and i waxed up the rails and its really good for skateboarding now. ok umm well as of today at 3:30 today someone uhh.....yeah i think an obsession would be the correct word for this for me yeah check the guestbook. now im wondering who the hell it is...not like im pissed or anything haha. idk ill find out soon enough. its probably another stupid joke or at least im hoping its not. well thats all for today. and this is the end......so if youre still reading congratulations youre officially a dumbass or at least a person who cant tell when something ended...well, at least i do.
4/8/02-10:53 pm
well today is the start off of the worst week of my life..well incase you have no idea what this means well im not telling you its somewhere in this crap site and i forget where so find it if you want to know that bad...but anyway, ive been listening to the same songs over and over again for the longest time. school sucked as usual and i went skating again when i got home. thats all i did today. thats all i do everyday. then i had to put up with not only my mom but also my sister. i dont know what im going to do with them so ill probably do nothing. thats all i can think of now.
4/9/02-8:20 pm
7 years...50 minutes. no wait 51 minutes......this sucks... todsay sucked... no suprise; not to me anyway at least... i should have stayed home... went to school. couldnt concentrate, went to petes, went home and now im just too pissed off to think. so go away...now...7 years...58 minutes...this still sucks...
4/21/02-8:20 pm
yeah its about fucking time i updated this thing... the server was being a bitch so i have to edit this through file manager or something..oh well. lets see..today; band practice but no practice well i guess thats it for today, went home talked to andrea and i guess thats what im doing now. went to a fucking dance friday, im still contemplating as to why, i guess i did it for beth and charolotte and as a self punishment or something. so anyway all i did was sit and dance with them every now and then. i would have done the same thing at my house as i would have there only i was with my friends so basically im paying to hang out with my friends. oh well wouldnt be the first time... yeah this sucks.
4/29/02-3:31 pm
alright tripod is really pissing me off like royally pissing me off... the son of a bitch wont let me edit directly cause its a piece of crap and every now and then i can edit it through file manager so yeah its free so its a piece of shit. lets see....my week uhh yeah last monday through friday nothing interesting happened and saturday i got a skateboard it kicks ass and i stayed over peted house and like got sick threw up and passed out on his couch so yeah tha was saturday, sunday i stayed homw and drew shit and i made a cd at least i think its good... soyeah i was bored all day and now im here still bored and talking to andrea which is all i ever do anymore and yeah i like it so fuck off.
5/8/02-10:33am
yeah well its been a while aye? its come to my attention that my computer is a big fucking piece of shit that wont let me directly sign in from there yet i can sign in fine from this even crappier computer at school... so yeah nothings really been happening to me lately... theres supposed to be this carnival thing tonight im supposed to go with beth and her boyfriend because they cant go by themselves....yeah like im going to stop them from fucking around.....i took some pictures yesterday so maybe i can bring in a disk tomorrow and upload them on to this crap site i made right here but youre reading it so that doesnt make you a better person now does it? lets see the guy to my right is a dick and the girl to my left is annoying but i like her anyway haha kidding there... yeah over and out uhh yeah im such a poser...haha fuck you
5/22/02/6:15-pm
yeah i guess i havent gotten the time to update this thing but now i do. not like you give a shit. lets see im finally doing creative writing in english and its about fucking time too. i wrote another story in the short stories section but i cant change the colour for soe reason so its staying white. thats it for today i guess...
6/2/02-10:53 pm
yeah once again i havent really had time to update this crap site that i have here oh well lets see all i did this weekend was hang out with pete and just do nothing. today was one of those days where nothing went right and it sucked now i just want to go to sleep so fuck it
6/3/02-9:37 pm
sitting here listening to nofx and remembering last summer....before everything fucked up...im thinking of finishing my life story... about time i guess i dont know im depressed again and its been a while since i have been it feels alright almost normal. thats just me. oh i wish i could write again. thesee memories, sweet memories fill my mind and i know that they will never come back. i will never feel the way i did then ever again. everything was perfect. i was alone most of the summer only to the online world i did venure into. now it has ended and i am once again in ruins. i wish i knew what went wrong.......i wish i knew what went wrong...... i wish i knew what went wrong.....
6/13/02-2:57 pm
alright well i seems i have hate mail yippie well here it is... its subjected::: slipknot and you...(whatever that means)You are both gay self, dick oh ya learn how to spell. I like how you where that trenchcoat and the ducks on your glasses, ass. and get out from under neath the staircase I stand every morning and look at you and your freinds and think wow their are loosers in this school but these guys take the cake. Nice of you to leave a printed page of your website in the library thanks now I have a person to make fun of online.
hmmmm well i think gramatical essence is a tad bit more important than spelling errors which also you have too many of...for instance; its yeah (not ya) underneath is a compound word...loosers only has one O there you dousche bag!!! oh and there seems to be a slight confusion as to who the other person is since you used both... yeah might want to check that out there big guy... and at least i have the balls to say who i am online unlike you....oh...and i hate you and i hope you fucking die....(yeah i sense a repatition here somewhere) and i guess thats it for today and feel free to send another emal YOU COCKSUCKING CUM GUZZELING SON OF A BITCH!...oh and when your dad gives you another nasty ass pearl necklace tonight....think of me. ;-)
6/27/02-11:58 PM
sometimes i dont know why i even bother.. why i cant ever seem to do anything right and why i bother looking for a reason to keep doing this..in the end its all pointless...they say lifes what you make of it and for some people, i guess it doesnt matter to them if they do anything or not its still going to suck so fuck off
7-2-02-10:51 AM
'allo whoever the hell is reading this....i need to update this fucking crap site more often...oh *news flash* that fucking poor excuse for a human (hehe redundant huh) talked to me online yesterday so if anyone wants to im him and just bitch to him or make fun of him heres his aim screenname: hotmattinny62586 yeah so go and have phun dammit. well i have to leave on saturday again if you go to the top of my journal page it said i had to go on a 4 hour car trip...well i have to do that again....so yeah its been a whole year or close to a year since i first started this page... and yet for some reason i know you dont care... well im supposed to go over to rat shack and get my fuckin keyboard fixed or something and then ill just do something...i dont know...
7/29/2002-7:33 pm
anon once again lets see what happened to me and my fucking life now...uhhh yeah summer is going well i havent really done much as of yet but im going to go to hang out and skate in town tomorrow...im going to a less than jake/pietasters/sugercult reunion show on friday that kicks ass and i updated the about me and words section and thats it for today.
7/30/02-8:11 pm
COPS SUCK!!!!!
heres why:
i set up a little alter for like witch craft if you will in the woods near me and i have candles salt spells etc and a picture of my sister.....someone finds the stuff and the picture is way at the bottom well hidden and the cops come and take 100000 pictures and hand them to my mom and shes not pissed but i am like im some crazy cult member that fucks goats bull shit i fucking hate cops dammit freedom of religion means any religion...mind your own fucking business you didnt care up until now and im not sure why and yes beth windows sucks parrot testicles....they have them believe me....and i stole some payphone inserts and the plastic thing that says phone today so beth you know what to do ... im done fuck off
8/5/02-1:44 pm
bored bored bored went to less than jake and the pietasters on friday it kicked ass and then i took a shower and went to petes house on saturday and now im here and im bored bored bored. beth said i should update so i am or some reason yeah now she says im hot but i know shes joking and has a bad sense of humor or something yeah i dont know what to make of it but oh well theres alot of things i cant make anything of so this will be one of those things ill never figure out, yeah im a dick
8/9/02-3:45 pm
hi again haha this is great i dont know what it is its just a raw emotion and its not doing so good for my typing so fuck off haha! i dont hate everyone now but i have an urge to just rip someone apart and just plainly brutally murder someone...it seems like great fun HAHA! oh well... i would if it was legal anyways haha! i love this feeling i dont give a shit about anything now im just sitting here in my basement in the dark blasting slipknot...im here alone which is good HAHA! i feel like blowing something up or setting something on fire this is great ill go do just that HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! OH YEAH AND I WANT MY FUCKING STUFF BACK YOU FUCKING HALFASSED COPS!
8/13/02-1:46-pm
hey i finally figured out why the hell the colour was off it was because of the damn html tagging and thats mostly the servers fault also among other things so yeah not my fucking problem there. so anyways im spending my days the usual way, just sitting here in my basement, i had a fucked up dream the other day so im going to write a story about it sometime soon, thursday im going to get some canvas or something of the sort and im just going to paint all over it and hang it 2all up on my walls in my room so it covers every inch of my room, im just sick of the colour it is now; dark red gloss. so yeah thats my project or now it was either that or shag carpeting but that would be too dusty.....oh and i got my fucking stuff back yesterday and its about freekin time too i wonder where they kept it because all my inscence sticks sorta fused together scently so its a bad combination of that but the sticks themselves are fine....oh well i got my stuff back
8/22/02-1:50 pm
hi or something im just sitting here listening to dead milkmen and being bored. my sisters having some stupid birthday party so im forced to hide out here in the basement which isnt so bad i suppose....im going on this camping trip with my brother pete and maybe his sister. it should be alright but im not sure oh well as for moods im just alright im not feeling anything and thats good. andrea sent me a notebook with 70 pages of stuff in it so i read that already in like a day haha oh well.....thats it for today i suppose....oh and new pictures soon hopefully before my hair dye fades its like pinkish now but it was purple oh well...
8/30/02-5:15 pm
alright well i changed my aim screenname, its in the contacts... no pictures as of yet but that really matters... school starts next wednesday so part of me wants to go and part of me wants to stay home becase i dont get made fun of at home and its not as sunny.....yeah im done
9/2/11:58-pm
yeah i guess im going to school on wednesday. im dying myhair back to that brownish colour i had or at least as close to my natural colour as i can. i was thinking of doing it black but i dont think it would look too good. i want to change the buttons on this page into pictures or something but i havent come up with anything as of yet i will soon though.... now that i think of it im not sure if anyone even comes to this site anymore wow im lonely.....
9/3/02-6:26 pm
school tomorrow... i redid my schedule...did my hair dark brown cause i was sick of the pink.... put a picture up and thats about it...
9/16/02
yeah im doing an entry alright....yeah schools alright...easier than usual but thats cause i get no homework.. i redid my room meaning i cleaned it and added lighting...yeah im bored sitting here playing bff and being bored some more oh and talking to andrea yeah shes hot... people have trouble picking up phones or i have bad timing but im in a good mood so fuck it.
9/17/02-9:39 pm
yeah nothing really happened today i guess i just got bored with matt and crap like that i talked to beth on the phone for a supprisingly ammount of time which is more than usual but whatever...and thats all thats happening as of now, but right now im just tallking to andrea and beth online and thats it...and im done.
9/22/02-4:10 am
I am currently in a state of...
Insomnia Insomnia Insomnia Insomnia Insomnia Insomnia
Insomnia Insomnia Insomnia Insomnia Insomnia Insomnia
Insomnia Insomnia Insomnia Insomnia Insomnia Insomnia Insomnia Insomnia Insomnia Insomnia Insomnia Insomnia Insomnia Insomnia Insomnia Insomnia Insomnia Insomnia Insomnia Insomnia Insomnia Insomnia Insomnia Insomnia Insomnia Insomnia Insomnia Insomnia Insomnia Insomnia Insomnia
Bordem Bordem Bordem Bordem Bordem Bordem Bordem Bordem Bordem Bordem Bordem Bordem Bordem Bordem Bordem Bordem
Bordem Bordem Bordem Bordem Bordem Bordem Bordem Bordem
Bordem Bordem Bordem Bordem Bordem Bordem Bordem Bordem Bordem Bordem Bordem Bordem Bordem Bordem Bordem Bordem Bordem Bordem Bordem Bordem Bordem Bordem Bordem Bordem Bordem Bordem Bordem Bordem Bordem
This sucks This sucks This sucks This sucks This sucks This sucks This sucks This sucks This sucks This sucks This sucks This sucks This sucks This sucks This sucks This sucks This sucks This sucks This sucks This sucks This sucks This sucks This sucks This sucks This sucks This sucks This sucks This sucks This sucks This sucks This sucks This sucks This sucks
..........This sucks..........
Three words and 18 lines for all of them...
10/16/02-9:22 pm
mood swings suck....come to think of it, alot of things suck... i guess thats normal...lets see schools alright. i dont get homework but the classes are longer. its all rainy and stormy as of now. i like it...not to sound like some cliched out goth or anything...as of now im just in a whatever mood, thats fine considering ive been going through 5 minute random emotions all day...the kind when the slightest thing can change you. but ill try to be careful cause whenever im in this mood i get pissed off or depressed really easily...yeah...i just woke up not to long ago, i think i fell asleep or something...ive got that feeling you get when you just wake up. only its been a whole hour...strange...yeah needless to say i dont like it. i went out to actually get a job last weekend. i got an application for radio shack which i know right now i mnot getting any job there. my sister said i should go work at some bagel shop but i really dont know... whatever i guess...i got a rat or something like that. its grey but its still not fully grown yet...i had a name but i forgot it...dammit. yeah i guess im done or something. oh and i got new glasses..ill get a picture or something like that soon...i guess ill just watch some anime or just be bored i dont know...
11/2/02-10:18 pm
this might be considered an update...i need one anyway...not that anyone probaly reads this or anythin but if you are then umm yeah i guess you are... halloween was thursday for any idiots reading...it was alright considering what i did...the way i tend to feel now...it reminds me so of those nights i spent for some time not so long ago. damn my frivolous teenage depression. really i do. although i do not wish to actually die a this point. that would be useless. i just want to go away and leave everything behind and start over. even though i know it will never happen. im happy for you...i really am. dont bother with me. im not worth it. really im not.
11/28/02-9:26 pm...
well ive done a few things i suppose. im starting to read interview with the vampire...its an alright book so far. ive been doing the same old i suppose in school. i called the teacher an idiot on thursday. nothing really to me but she flipped out and nobody likes her so it was funny..heh...i lost my connection the past week and a half so i couldnt update. lets see mood as of now. im just nothing again. nothing has bothered me yet and i have nothing to be happy about. i got a scanner so i can add more picrures. im beginning to wonder who reads this again...maybe nobody does but i really dont care. i havent read any of this in a long time. i should. i feel like iva changed so much but sometimes i wish i could be like i used to be. at least then i could still write heh. although i am working on another short story about this dream i had a while ago. ill finish it soon, i only have a few pages so far. im going to stop talking, im starting to sound like an idiot, oh and Myk, i just read your journal entry, umm yeah have phun in college i guess i really dont know what to say but ill talk to you sometime man.
12/8/02
12:15 pm
i guess im finally able to update this journal thing...undergoing extreme bordem...i think im going to the mall today...with matt and beth an ill probablyget some clothes or stupid band stuff cause i can. right now i need a shower. yeah that helps alot. less than jakes making a new album...which is good. i think. i dont know. im finally beginning to write again which is better than the previous statement. yeah. ill post some more stupid poetry if i get the chance, oh and alex is cool...cool but hes a creepy mother fucker who reads my shit too much... oh and he likes to bitch about politics...haha yeah...im done.
12/29/02
12:18 am
well it seems time reverts after a while. i feel exactly how i used to feel. the fact as to wetherthis is good or not is somewhat debatable. i added a new poem finally. ill add more if i get around to it i also added a new picture...im not sad im just depressed and you dont care. personality tests are stupid. theyre all wrong and the ones that were right i already knew what they were going to say. i hate this.. going to a murphys law show in about 19 hours from now. but it probably wont work out...only because i want it to. yeah. im tired of being a dick to everyone.
1/20/03
its another year all over again. yet another year that ill waste on nothing and another year that ill fuck up more than the last. as for today, well, it happened. the day just happened. i hate when things happen like this. its not suprising why i feel like this, why i feel like this again. i figured it was going to happen sooner or later. what am i writing about? i dont know anymore. i just dont feel anything anymore and now that i do i dont like it, because im just a little bitch. i fucken hate this. i fucken hate feeling like this. but i miss it so much. im just tired of living. im just sick of taking it day by day and. im not going to sit around waiting fo something to happen. ill do it myself. im done. sorry...
2/4/03
I'm going to be fucking sick.
Where did all the love go? I wasn't meant to have any.
6/17/03-10:15
well its been a hell of a crazy 4 months it really has...im lying, it really hasnt. only that schools now out, i have tests tomorrow, english and then biology the next day...im trying to recall the past from then, oh im not sick anymore. thats good i suppose. other than that i guess the entire time consisted of indecisiveness and mood swings, adding in many attempts to have fun in some form or another. im still writing another story, this one i think will be good. lots of feeling in it. although if i were to explain it nobody would understand it probably...so ill finish it and ten maybe put it here but it might be kinda long...so ill consider making a page for it or a download. yes. rah! rah! rah! umm yeah im trying to learn guitar, which is alright i guess. im still playing piano though. current mood is laid back in a sense. actually listening to music and whatnot not like any of you care...maybe beth because shes forcing me to create this entry. as for aditions elsewhere i added new crappy poetry and theres a picture of me which looks bad because i am an ugly fellow indeed. i guess im done. quite.
6/18/03-1:53pm
i got up this morning and it was raining. well normally it wouldnt be raining if i woke up when i usually do but i didnt . today was testing...i had english part 1...thats it. its funny how i always bring something for me to do for afterwards, when youre just sitting there for at least an hour...foing nothing... i always forget to bring something to those sort of things, and now i remember to bring one. but i also thought i only had do write one essay, the essays werent hard, actually the entire exam was really easy. the only thing is that i spent nearly 2 hours on the first essay for no reason really, i just wanted to keep writing. well that only left me an hour to write the second one. that wasnt hard though, just annoying thats all. the essay topics were rather stupid. the first one had to be listened to and notes were supposed to be taken. it was redundantly enough a speech on how to write a speech. thats the one i spent 2 hours on. the second one was on paper about forest fires. that was stupid also. the only thing was that once i finished that essay everyone was nearly gone and i had no time to read my book or write my story. although i did get to start the plot outline in the library before the essay. as i walked in, i heard the librarian say something about going punk, something like that. it doesnt annoy me though, i know it was directed toward me but it wasnt annoying. im not even punk anyway. hmm what other random time can i jump to... i got home at 12:00 or so and i read my book for an hour. i can only read for so long, actually i can only do one single thing for so long until i get all fidigity. thats annoying. it really is. the books okay so far, im almost finished with it. its about this kid who gets kicked out of his prep school and spends three days in the city, basically he kills time until wednesday, when hes supposed to come home for christmas vacation. thats basically it. right now im feeling strange still. ive felt strange for a few days now, only id think id be more acquainted with it enough so that its not strange anymore. im also kinda tired but i cant go to sleep. i just cant. oh well. i really doubt anyones still reading this so ill stop.
7/12/03-5:04pm
summer is borring and where the hell is erin...i added more poems today. theyre stupid i guess. im going to a circle with beh tonight at 7. that should be fun. no occasion but it is a full moon...i like this colour too. red, more of a crimson though. its nice. i might start a band withme doing piano. we have a bass but no drums. i dont know. i need to practice more often
7/31/03: 4:53 pm
march of dimes sucks. thats why im going to go boo them saturday. yay me,its cool cause i have my car now. went to go get shoes today, took beth with me, second time i drove her around. pretty much basic things me and her do together. nothing new. now im home finally updating at the request of said person. not me. well what now...bored bored bored. theres actually a kfc protest in the city i could go to but its easier to go to the other one. okay well new subject because jad doesnt like the fact that i hate march of dimes, kfc and bush and pretty much this country..yeah well just in case some conservatives are out there....FUCK BUSH FUCK AMERICA AND FUCK POLICE..BRUTALITY!!! oh yeah and FUCK CAPITALISM! (oligarchy by default). okay im done ranting for now...just gets me in the mood to burn a flag or two. maybe. probably not. so yeah....new shoes..cream backround with black red and green plad in front of it. pretty nice. feel like im all ska'd out right about now. i also got the new (i think) at the drive in cd. its pretty good. what else....ahh....im finally putting up wallpper in my room and carpeting. thats about it for my borring life. not much of a treat but whatever. i dont have to read it when im done. hah.
8/2/03-10:16 pm
saturday...yup...i dd my booing. although not alot of people showed up and the person wasnt home, (the march of dimes presidnt) it was at her house...so i ended up driving around with these three girls, one of which actually sent me the email about the event. kinda weird i guess. one of them was from germany and the other one was just out of college. so we just drove around putting door thingies on peoples houses. and no i wasnt sitting there thinking about how hot they were. actually thats the last thing i probably thought about, im not sure why. sometimes i just lose interest in women. and i end up being sexually nulled. its okay i guess...but that lasted about an hour and a half. maybe two hours. then i just did stupid stuff that wasnt important at all until matt showed up and actually took me to the mall. im not sure why, he just did. i guess he was that bored. he went to hot topic...and spent thirty dollars on a shirt...yeah a fucking shirt. not to mention one wristband (whole!) i dont know. maybe its just me but thats too much to spend on a shirt. and from hot topic too. which basically just screams out "Hey lost and out of place teens! Be an individual...Wear this!" and to be even funnier, it was one of those shirts with a big red star on it. a socialistic outreach by capitalist's means. i love it. nextly, we went to the cd store and he actually offered to buy me a cd. (this is the second of two incedents that are just choking on its overly seeping irony...) i finally picked one, since it was hard for me to find something i wont die from listening to it. whch happens alot. i got afi, shut your mouth and open your eyes. yeah i guess im tired of being a pirate what with downloading and all (kiss me andrea im a pirate!) this is the second cd i got within the past 30 days...well the second one thats mine anyway. because i got at the drive in, relationship of command, and i bought pete's sister the pet shop boys, introspect. which i kinda do want a copy of. call me fag all you want i guess... yeah so after that he dropped me off at home and now im talking to andrea and typing this. so yeah....now what...oh well theres this guy joe and hes going to be playing drums in thisband that im kinda in. not sure if i said it already but im starting this band with him on drums now, me playing piano and this guy jared is playing bass. its a ben folds five cover band. not ben folds. there is a difference. really. hmm this is getting kind of long. but im sure beth will like that. well yeah actually so, because it is long. and red too. and its mine! hah. yeah im talking about this entry not my penis....i kinda figured id make the subtlties more obvious. hey wait a minute my peniisnt even red...oh well that jst ruins everything. okay. now what. i figured since this is long ill go with it. yeah...hmm. i guess right now im just sitting here, i tend to be just sitting here alot. mainly because i dont have much of anything better to do. which is why im updating this page. heh. well now that i think of it i dont like the name of this page anymore. it was originally a quote from cowboy bebop, it was something the antagonist said before he killed someone. which makes sense i suppose. but i think ill take it into a more abstract direction. and also i need to change the song lyric as well. song lyrics...that was just something that came out of nowhere i suppose. i really didnt mean to keep that consistent. it was just extra space that i needed to fill. at first it was from some song by cursive, as the radiatior hums, yeah if yu want download it or something, or dont. i dont really care too much. but back to my point i need to change it. yeah thats done...okay i guess i should get more recent pictures of myself on here too. although i kinda look the same in most of them, and i realy dont like the way i look anyway. i dont mean i dont like my style of dress or hair or anything like that. i just think i look bad all around no matter what i change about myself. oh well. lets see. im still talking to andrea. who actually i really like alot. there i said it. wasnt hard at all i guess. i can see judie laughing already. oh well. just be happy i didnt fall for some cute guy. not that id have a problem with doing that. but she might. okay. umm. now what. i really dont know.. i came up with a more organized theory to my so called religion today. i guess you could call it whatever you want but its not really anything. ill put up a page one day to explain it. but basically its not athesim. and its not agnostic. not quite wiccan and nowhere near christanity. its kinda just a realistic opinion on everything and everything that nobody really thinks about too much. but i do because im a nerd. which is an uncommon quality for my american self because it has nothing to do with moms apple pie and straight white middleclassmen. not to say that all americans are ignorant nationalists. just that theres enough of them to be the majority representatives for this place. well now that i think of it...they are...damn. hah. and on top of it they chose the one financial system that works together by pitting its own people with each other. yeah capitalism. but i suppose were not that smart enough to devise a complex system of trying to help each other live somewhat decent lives instead of trying to live a good life at th expense of the really shitty lives of a few families. okay sorry im ranting.. ill stop. i do that alot. im doing it now. with this whole entry. yeah i bet bethie is happy. and andrea maybe if shes still reading this. no that wasnt making fun of what youre thinking. well its 11:00. ive wasted 44 minutes of my time so you can waste five miutes of yours. so ill leave it at this for now. over and out signing off and some other avant garde saying that means the same thing as the others. oh i know....bye!
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